Hormones suck
by ili.secretsr4me
Summary: Bella and Edward get married, and end up with a little bundle of joy. But first comes the hormonal nine months of pregnancy...Much better than the summary! Co-written by The Darkest Point! Canon pairings. OOC. R&R! M for -what do you expect she's pregnant
1. Chapter 1

**This story is a little more lemony than my usually ones, but I had this story in my head! Please enjoy! Funny stuff is coming up, I promise! And a special thanks to my loving, great, fantastical beta, The Darkest Point!**

I woke up with my fiancé's arms wrapped around my bare stomach, and realization hit me, making me flush a dark red.

The love of my life had been away for a week on business, and when he came home, we kissed, and one thing led to another… and now we are both in bed, naked. We were planning on saving that for the honeymoon, but I guess we were too happy when we saw each other.

I turned in the iron grip that held me close to his body, and I looked up at him, to see him still sleeping. I smiled at the picture and kissed under his jaw. That woke him up, though.

"Bella?" He asked immediately worried and concerned. I smiled at him; he still managed to look incredibly cute even in his confused state. It's just a month before our wedding, just a month until I will be Mrs. Cullen. I beamed at the thought. Edward took about ten minutes to remember what happened, and when he did, a blush rose on his cheeks. I laughed.

"Morning." I whispered. He gave me a sheepish smile.

"Morning, love." He managed to return. I wasn't ashamed of not waiting until our honeymoon now that it has happened, but I was oddly worried if Edward was. He was old fashioned, and I knew he mustn't have approved of this. He saw the worry in my eyes and answered me with a smile… and could I possibly imagining the smugness that played on his lips? I probably was.

I smiled in relief and pressed my forehead against his chest, inhaling the scent of Edward until it made my thoughts cloudy. I giggled.

"I missed you. Welcome home."

"Thanks. It's great to be home." He said against my hair, I could feel his smile. His stomach growled loudly, making me laugh and so I started getting up, but his arms held like restraints. I smiled at him.

"Aren't you hungry?" I asked sweetly. He frowned and let go. I smiled and put on my underwear and the first shirt I found in our dresser. Once I slipped it on, I realized it was his. It was his blue shirt that fit long on me, reaching up to my knees and acted as a dress. It was oddly comfy, meant just for me.

I danced my way to the kitchen and got out some eggs, bacon, milk, and pancake mix. I heated up the stove and cracked the eggs. I put them on one pan, and the bacon strips on the other, I started mixing the pancakes and let them bake. Strong arms wrapped around my waist from behind, and a smile crept onto my lips. Edward kissed my neck repeatedly, making me flush.

"I like my shirt on you." He whispered seductively. I shivered unwillingly and focused on cooking and my breathing.

One of his hands wormed under my shirt, and he made circular patterns around my belly button, making my knees wobble.

The entire time I cooked, he teased me, making it incredibly hard to concentrate, and he knew that, because he was smirking like an idiot. My idiot. I served his food on a plate and then my own. We ate in silence, a comfortable silence; I would discreetly steal a glance at him now and again.

When we finished, I put the dishes in the sink and noticed his lustful eyes that followed me.

"Love? You look so guilty…" He stated.

"I feel guilty." And he shrugged at my statement, hiding the smile that danced on his lips.

"So you seduced your all-too willing fiancé. That's hardly a capitol offense," He smirked, teasing me.

"But you wanted to wait for our honeymoon." I argued, standing my ground. His smile slipped, but he quickly hid it.

"Yeah. That was stupid. I wish we'd have figured out that we don't have to be married to have sex." He actually seemed sorry about that, but I could tell the taunt in his sweet velvet voice. I rolled my eyes and he pulled me onto his lap where I sat comfortably in his embrace, his cool breath grazing my neck. He was hard under me.

"Too bad you didn't figure that out earlier." I whispered and he chuckled, his grip on me tightening. I groaned.

"What?" He asked.

"We have fitting today." I whimpered, and he frowned.

It's the big day. I hadn't been able to see Edward at all last night; I was too busy at my bachelorette party. He was off getting lap dances from strippers, and the thought sent a shiver down my spine. He was mine, my selfish side growled.

I was dazed while Alice and Rosalie, and my mother and my mother in-law chatted about my wedding, about how beautiful I was. I doubted it, but I didn't want to put any more stress on myself.

They helped in me in my dress, and I was beaming with excitement once I snapped out of my daze. I was going to marry the most gorgeous, caring, loving, kind man in the entire world. He was agreeing to be mine, and mine only. I smiled smugly at the thought.

All too soon, Rosalie and Alice shooed away my crying parents (Esme included), and they did a quick check over.

Rosalie was my maid of honor, I was Alice's, and Alice's would be Rosalie's. We had agreed to this a long time ago, before we even had boyfriends. We would sit in a circle, just discussing our dream future, a jar peanut butter and sliced apples in the center. It was a tradition, we still do it. I felt a grin spread across my face, and so did my two best friends, who were crying.

"Bella, he's waiting for you." Charlie whispered, coming from nowhere. I threw my arms around Charlie.

"I love you, Daddy." I said, like I used to every night before he tucked me into bed and kissed goodnight. He cleared his throat, embarrassed, and I let go.

"My baby girl's all grown up." Alice and Rosalie "aww"ed, and my best friends engulfed me into a hug.

"We're so happy for you, Bella." Alice excited. I sniffled.

"Alice will go, then me, and then you follow, okay, Bells?" Rosalie soothed. I nodded, and Alice left first, then Rosalie.

"Don't let me fall, Dad." I whispered, just then, the wedding march started. He held out his elbow for me, and I intertwined arms with my loving father. He kept a tight grip on me and we marched down the isle, my Edward waited there, tears glistening over his green eyes. If I thought he was sad, I would've skipped over to his side to hug him and comfort him, but I knew they were tears of joy.

My cheeks were flaming, and of course I'd be accounted for as the blushing bride.

I was extremely nervous about Emmett being the priest. There was an Alice-like glint in is eyes, and that worried me. But really, all I saw was the love of my life, waiting for me.

Emmett asked who was giving me away in a formal tone, and Charlie managed to choke out "I do." Emmett had done a great job, and it passed by. I finally managed to choke out the binding words, tears threatening to pour out.

"Do you, Edward Anthony Cullen take Isabella Marie Swan, and all her clumsiness that comes with the package, to be your lawfully wedded wife?" Emmett asked, earning a grin from me when he added my lack of coordination. Edward spoke clearly, confidently, and proudly.

"I do." And before Emmett could pronounce us as a married couple, I threw my arms around Edward's neck and kissed him, earning chuckles from the audience that I tried to ignore.

"Uh…. You may now kiss the bride." He tried to cover up, making me smile against my husband's lips.

"The rings." I heard Jasper whisper.

"Aw, crap." Emmett cursed, making me laugh and pull away from Edward. Edward was grinning proudly amusement shone in his green eyes that I fell helplessly in love with. We gave each other our rings.

I smiled and looked at Emmett.

"Can I kiss him, now?" I feigned irritation, but being the poor actress that I am, I smiled.

"Umm…. I guess so. Right?" He looked at Jasper, who nodded. I eagerly kissed my loving husband, tears streaming down my face. When we pulled away, we were breathing heavily and we faced the audience, his arms snaking around my waist, and he was beaming proudly.

"I now pronounce, Mr. and Mrs. Edward Cullen." Emmett announced, earning a grin from me. The crowd clapped and they swarmed us with congratulation and warm hugs. Renee found me first, pulling me into a tight hug, her face tear streaked.

"I'm so happy for you, Bella. Congrats." She whispered in my ear, Edward never let me go though.

"Thanks, Mom." I smiled and she pulled away. She faced my husband –thinking it gave me the happy chills.

"Take care of her, ya hear?" Renee said, trying to be stern, but a smile on her lips.

"With my life, Renee." Edward promised. Renee smiled and pulled him tightly into a hug and whispered to have him call her mom. Edward smiled at that, but I pouted. My Edward. Jacob chuckled by my side.

"Jealous, Bells?" He asked, pulling me into a hug. Edward still hadn't let me go, and his head shot in my direction once he was let go of. He was smirking and I stuck my tongue out at him, still in Jacob's arms.

"Yeah. Edward knows it too, so stop rubbing it in." I hissed, making Jacob bark out laughter. Leah, Jake's girlfriend, came behind him and sighed.

"Stop being mean to her, Jake." She instructed and he let go of me, and I was wrapped in another pair of arms. Leah's. She's really nice, a great friend.

"Congrats, kid." She whispered.

"Kid? I'm older than you!" I exclaimed in a whisper, getting a smile from her. I pulled out of the hug and wrapped in yet another pair of arms, but these I welcomed any time. Edward kissed the side of my neck, making me blush and congratulate and hug, and kiss us.

Emmett came, being dragged by Rosalie, who was beaming with excitement. She threw herself at me and hugged me fiercely, earning a chuckle from Edward, whose hand was stuck between Rose's and my own body.

"Congrats, Bella!" she squealed.

"Thanks. You're the best friend anyone can ask for." Just then, Emmett cleared his throat loudly. I pulled out of the hug and faced my big brother. I threw my arms around Emmett's neck and hugged him, he hugged back.

"Thanks, big brother." I whispered. I heard him sniffle. I laughed to see a tear slide down his cheek and I kissed it. He pulled me in tighter, while Edward got more congratulations from my side of the family.

Emmett was my official big brother in-law, but he said I counted for more than just an in-law; I was really his sister to him. Alice and Jasper came, she was squealing and I kissed both of their cheeks.

Next came Carlisle and Esme, both smiling happily. I hugged them.

"Congrats, Bella." Esme whispered.

"Thanks, Esme." I whispered back.

"Oh, honey, call me Mom." She told me, making me beam proudly and throw myself into another hug with my new mom. I had been crying way too much. Carlisle had told me to call him Dad, and my face was tear-streaked. I was back in Edward's arms once his parents left, and Charlie came up to us. I hugged him; Edward didn't keep me for this hug, knowing how much this one meant to me.

Charlie let go of me, but kept one arm around my waist and we faced Edward, who was looking at me with love and admiration. I knew my face reflected his.

"Edward, take care of her, all right? She's the most important thing that's ever happened to me, and if you ever hurt her, I do carry a gun." He warned.

I shook my head and hissed "Dad."

"What, he's gotta know-"

"Don't worry Mr. Swan. I'll be there for her every time she falls. I want to catch her every time." Edward spoke sincerely, making tears sting my eyes. Charlie thought about it for a few seconds, then held out his free arms and shook Edward's.

"Call me Dad, Edward." Charlie said. Edward beamed.

"Thanks, Dad." I love my family. Absolutely adore them. Soon after, Edward and I got on the dance floor for our fist dance as a married couple. The band had announced it and we swayed together. Edward was the only one who I could dance with and not trip over. There were a few others who kept me in balance, but only a few. I reached up to kiss him, and we continued swaying, flashes clicking feverishly. After the kiss, my head rested comfortably on his chest, until Emmett tapped Edward on the shoulder. Rosalie and Edward danced away and I was with Emmett.

"Welcome to the family, Bells." He smiled at me. I grinned idiotically back.

"Thanks, big brother. And thanks for doing the reception." He shrugged as if it were nothing.

"That's what big brothers are for. Sorry I screwed up, though." I remembered the mistakes that sent all of us laughing.

"Nah. If there weren't any mistakes, that wouldn't be as memorable. I'd remember it as a traditional, boring wedding. This was so much more fun." I assured him. He boomed with laughter, and soon enough, I was dancing with Jasper. We talked, and then I was constantly being traded off. It seemed like forever until I was back in Edward's arms.

"I love you." I whispered. He smiled at me.

"I love you more." He challenged.

"Not true."

"So true."

"Nope." I made the "p" pop.

"I so do."

"No you don't. I love you more."

"Nope."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes." I argued. A glint shined in his happy green eyes as he took a deep breath.

"I LOVE ISABELLA MARIE SWAN CULLEN MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE WORLD!" He shouted, getting laughter from the audience. I blushed and hid my face in his chest.

"You don't play fair." I mumbled. He chuckled and kissed the top of my head. God, I love this man. I sighed, content, and closed my eyes. We were in one spot, not moving our feet, just swinging from side to side, happy and in love.

"Bella, you have to get dressed." Alice crashed my happy Edward moment. Edward simply put a finger under my chin and brought my lips to his. His tongue asked for entrance, and I gladly let him in. The world around us disappeared, but an annoying pixie continued to chatter. "Bella, I did not buy the perfect going away dress just so it could be wasted." Edward simply kissed more deeply whenever she spoke.

"I'll tell her where you're going, Edward." She hissed, really mad. Edward froze on my lips and we both looked at the little pixie that I called my best friend. Edward frowned.

"You wouldn't."

"Wanna bet?" She asked.

"I wanna know! Alice, tell me!" I begged. It was really unfair that I was the only one who didn't know where I was going for our honeymoon. It was, after all, my honeymoon.

"Only if Edward doesn't let me change you." She said, but her eyes stayed on Edward's. My grip tightened around him, wanting to know the secret location. He sighed and I frowned.

"You know this really isn't fair! Everyone knows where I'm going to be waking up but me!" I complained as I followed Alice, Edward on my heels. We got to the room where my other dress was laid on the bed. Alice was trying to shove Edward out of the room.

"Bella, make him leave." Alice gave up, pointing at my love. He gave me his famous crooked smile, and I melted, unable to refuse what he wanted.

"Only if you tell me where we're going." I wanted to say, but what I ended up saying was, "No. I don't want him to leave." Edward smiled smugly and ran into the room and jumped onto the bed. I smiled at him and kissed his forehead before Alice shimmied off the big dress. I felt Edward's gaze on my back, but I didn't even blush. I twisted out of the princess dress and turned around to see my Edward staring at me with a smile. I was just in my bra and underwear as I grabbed the midnight blue dress that fit on me tightly but flared out at the bottom.

Once I was done, Alice left and Edward quickly kissed me passionately and longingly. We went downstairs, hand in hand, and said our goodbyes and drove off to God knows where.

**I hope you liked it! Please review! And thanks again to my lovely beta The Darkest Point! Check out her stories, they're great! Love ya, Ilianna!**


	2. chapter 2

**Hey, a special thanks to my reviewer Grace. She left an interesting note that I will definitely take into consideration, if not more. Well… on with the story! Please enjoy! **

As soon as we stepped off the boat and into the house, Edward carried me through the house and into the bedroom and laid me onto the bed. He hovered over me and kissed me passionately, urgently, and lustfully. I looked in his green eyes, but they were black, full of want.

My hands tangled themselves into his copper hair and I pulled him back to my face. His hands went into my hair and they stayed there until I had to breathe. Stupid air. As I gasped for air, his mouth left wet kisses along my neck and his fingers dipped into my dress. And right then and there, I loved Alice for putting me into a one-piece.

He slipped my dress over my head impatiently and threw it onto the floor. He started kissing me again, but his fingers dipped into my underwear. And I knew what he wanted. But I had my own plans. After all, it wouldn't be fair if I were the only one naked while that God I call my husband is completely dressed. So I pushed up and rolled over, lying on top of him I felt his smile against my lips. His hands removed from his hair and unzipped his pants. I stopped kissing him to let him know what I wanted. Once his dark black eyes looked into mine, he lifted his pelvis towards my hot spot and I eagerly shimmied off his pants. I headed for his shirt next, but right then and there, I hated Alice for giving Edward a button up shirt.

Impatient and aroused, I hurriedly undid his buttons and threw it off him and I attacked his perfectly constructed stomach, leaving g a trail of my wet kisses. Edward growled in annoyance once I started teasing him with kisses around his arousal. He yanked my head up so he could kiss my lips longingly. He slipped in, pain and pleasure both there as he moved my hips back and forth to how he wanted. I didn't care. It felt amazing.

He rolled on top of me and lead kisses down my neck, my breathing ragged and if I had cared enough, embarrassing. I was just a bit too preoccupied. Some amazing feeling ran through my body as he came in and out, his pace getting faster, along with our breathing. He knew when I wanted him to be rougher. Well, it seemed like he did. I knew I was yanking a little too hard on his bronze hair, but every time my grip tightened, he was harder. And I liked it rough. I pushed so I was on top, letting him sway my waist to his own desires.

This felt great.

I was panting in his arms, both wet and tired from our little adventure in the shower. We've been on this island for a week, going at it like horny bunnies. I turned in his arms and kissed his chest. I breathed into his chest, trying to even my breathing.

I never was able to make a fuss about Edward "borrowing" the island from Esme. We were hardly out, and I was always busy. I felt Edward's excitement against my body but neither he nor I were embarrassed about it. I looked up at Edward tiredly, our activities exhausting. I smiled at his lustful eyes.

"That was fun." I smirked and he replied with his own blinding smirk.

"Definitely. We are always taking showers together." I absentmindedly pushed my pelvis against his boner, making him groan in want. And he pouted when I wouldn't give in. "You know we're leaving tonight, right? I have everything packed." I pouted at the thought.

"Does that mean we have to stop our games?" I asked in disappointment, but able to open my heavy eyelids. I grabbed his balls just in case he wasn't sure of what games I was talking about. He took in a sharp breath and gripped my waist.

"Bella, honey, if you don't want to go again I suggest you watch your actions." He warned. I let go and shrugged sleepily.

"I want to go again, but you like wiped me out. I'm tired as hell." I heard his musical chuckle and that sent me to sleep.

EPOV

My sleeping angel was more ambitious now. She would easily grab my nuts without being even slightly nervous about it. Of course it could be the lack of sleep and unawareness of her actions that makes her do stuff like that. But either way her aggressiveness was a major turn on. I gently slipped out of her arms. I took a shower, but the thoughts of my last shower with Bella made me need to turn the water cold.

Bella constantly popped into my head, dressed in nothing but her naked glory.

I got dressed and made sure we had everything ready and packed up. I skimmed the digital clock, 9:31 flashed in green, boxed numbers. I cursed under my breath and made breakfast. We hadn't eaten for like two days. We were close to eating yesterday, but Bella was in the kitchen, wearing my shirt and nothing else…..

I shook off the thought before I had to take another cold shower. I made plenty of food because I was sure she'd be very hungry, and I'm pretty hungry myself. I stuffed my mouth with eggs before I went into Bella, sleeping in her bed. I shook her shoulder and she moaned.

C'mon Bells don't turn me on. I thought desperately, trying to control myself from jumping her. Her eyes fluttered open, those beautiful brown eyes looked at me in question, and then she frowned.

"What's the matter, love?" I asked as she propped onto her elbows, sizing me up.

"I wanted to watch you shower." I chuckled weakly.

"We have to go to the airport. And we'd never be there in time if we take a shower together." She sat up, the blankets falling off her uncovered chest. Aw, crap! You're killing me!

"But I still wanted to shower with you." She said longingly.

"Sorry, love. Next time. But you've got breakfast on the table." She frowned.

"I'm not hungry." I raised an eyebrow and she held her hand up in surrender, only giving a great view of her luscious breasts. Here comes my boner. I was impossibly hard. Damn her. "Honestly, I'm not hungry." She pondered over something. "Wait, I want a pickle."

"Are you serious?" I asked in disbelief. She doesn't like pickles. She shrugged.

"That's what I want. Everything else sounds revolting." She said dismissively, and she stood up and stretched. God damn it! Sure, Bella. Show me your entire body.

"Are you sure, honey? Because we don't have any pickles." She frowned and tears glistened her chocolate eyes. Bella doesn't really ever cry because she didn't get it her way. I hugged her naked body and kissed her haystack. "Take your shower and get dressed. I'll get some pickles on the way to the airport." She nodded weakly, and then suddenly her entire face changed to excitement with a huge grin. She winked at me before turning and skipping into the bathroom. I shook my head at her drastic mood swings. Maybe she's on her period?

I ate my food and the the rest away. Bella came out in my shirt and shorts. Her hair was left down and she smiled at me.

"You likes?" She asked.

"Are you going to wear that at the airport?" she frowned at my reaction but immediately recovered to a grin.

"Now everyone'll know I'm yours and yours only." She smirked at her smart response. The offer was almost too tempting to pass. Almost.

"But I don't want anyone to see your body. That's also mine." She thought about that then turned and went to get changed. She's mine. My beautiful, kinky Bella.


End file.
